All of your most pressing questions, answered

Going through a divorce is hard enough.
Having to navigate the reality of a changing family landscape (and possibly helping little ones cope with the ordeal), reenvisioning your life without your significant other, and managing the intense emotions that come with this ground-shifting life change can be immensely challenging.
Add to that the legal aspects — which, let’s be honest, can be quite overwhelming on our best days — and it’s easy to see why many feel lost during this time. That’s why today, we thought we’d provide some helpful resources for people navigating this tough stage.
Of course, we’re no experts, that’s why we reached out to Joe and Cheryl Dillon, professional divorce mediators, and relationship experts at Equitable Mediation, who were kind enough to shed some light on the most pressing issues their clients have during a divorce when it comes to dividing their property.
Please note that the following sections have been written entirely by Joe and Cheryl Dillon, who shared with us the expert advice they give their clients (sans the consultation fee) when they come looking for guidance on splitting the house in a divorce.
Property division insights from a professional divorce mediator
Photo credit: Andrii Yalanskyi / Shutterstock
In my experience working with divorcing couples, the family home is often their most significant asset. 
As a result, discussions about dividing this property during divorce proceedings can be both intricate and emotionally charged.
For couples grappling with this issue, I’ve compiled answers to the seven questions I’m most frequently asked when guiding clients through negotiations regarding their marital home. 
These questions cover the key aspects that typically arise when determining how to handle this valuable asset in a divorce settlement.
Understanding these common concerns can help you navigate this challenging aspect of divorce more effectively. Whether you’re considering selling the home, buying out your spouse, or exploring other options, having clear information about the process can ease some of the stress and uncertainty.
Every divorce situation is unique, and what works for one couple may not be the best solution for another. 
However, by addressing these common questions, you can gain a better understanding of the options available and the factors to consider when making decisions about a marital home during divorce.
#1 Who gets to keep the house in a divorce when children are involved?
Photo credit: Hyejin Kang / Shutterstock
A common misconception regarding divorce proceedings involving children is that the primary caregiver automatically retains ownership of the family home. 
This belief stems from the notion that maintaining a familiar environment for children is paramount. However, this assumption oversimplifies the complex nature of property division in divorce.
While some couples may opt for such an arrangement to minimize disruption to their children’s lives, it is not a mandate or universal practice. Rather, the decision of who keeps the house emerges from a negotiation between a mediator (or each party’s respective legal counsel) and the unique circumstances of the divorcing couple.
#2 Can we sell the house and split the proceeds?
Photo credit: Andrii Yalanskyi / Dreamstime
Selling the family home and dividing the proceeds can be a good option for some divorcing couples. However, contrary to popular belief, there’s no requirement to split the money evenly.
In the United States, divorcing couples can negotiate how they’ll share the money from the house sale. This process may result in an agreement where one person might receive a larger portion of the proceeds than the other.
The final division — in my experience — depends on what both parties consider fair, taking into account various aspects of their marriage and individual circumstances.
Factors that might influence this decision include each person’s financial contribution to the home, one party’s need for liquidity to purchase another home, or in exchange for offering the other party a larger share of a different marital asset.
#3 How is the value of a house determined in a divorce?
Photo credit: Mishelmail9 / Dreamstime
Figuring out how much a property is worth during a divorce can be a tricky and sometimes tense process.
The method used to value the home can make a big difference and might end up favoring one spouse over the other. Couples often use different ways to figure out their home’s value.
They might hire a professional appraiser to give an expert opinion based on the current market and the home’s features. Sometimes, they ask a real estate agent to look at recent sales of similar homes in the area and estimate the value. Other couples might use websites that give rough estimates of home values, though these aren’t always accurate.
If the house was bought in recent years, they may use that purchase price as a starting point.
The choice of method often depends on what the couple plans to do with the house. For example, if one person wants to keep the house and take over the mortgage by themselves, they usually need a professional appraisal. In these cases, the value from the appraisal is often used to decide how to divide up the couple’s assets.
It’s important to remember that each way of valuing a house has its benefits and drawbacks. The method chosen can have a significant impact on both party’s finances, so it’s something that needs careful thought.
Sometimes, it might be helpful to get advice from experts to make sure the valuation is fair and accurate. The goal is to find a value that both parties can agree on and that helps them divide their property fairly, considering all the unique aspects of their situation.
#4 What if one spouse wants to keep the house but can’t afford the mortgage alone?
Photo credit: Tero Vesalainen / Dreamstime
When couples divorce and one person has been staying home to raise kids while the other worked outside the home, it can be tough for the stay-at-home parent to keep the house.
If they can’t easily find a job that pays enough, and the support they get from their ex isn’t enough to cover the costs, there are some creative solutions that I’ve seen couples use.
One idea is to rent out part of the house. The stay-at-home parent might rent a spare room or even a section of the house to someone else. This extra money can help pay the mortgage or other house expenses.
Another option is to change how alimony is paid. The working ex-spouse might agree to pay more alimony at the start, then gradually pay less over time. This gives the stay-at-home parent more money right away to help them afford the house until they can get back on their feet financially.
These are just a couple of ways I’ve seen couples solve this problem. There might be other solutions, depending on the couple’s specific situation. What works best really depends on each family’s unique circumstances, and what both people can agree on.
It’s worth noting that every family is different, so what works for one might not work for another. Sometimes, it can be helpful to talk to experts like financial advisors or divorce mediators who can help couples think of more options and find a solution that works for everyone, especially if there are kids involved.
#5 How do we handle the mortgage if only one person’s name is on it?
Photo credit: Andrey Popov / Dreamstime
In divorce proceedings where one party retains the marital home, the process is more straightforward if the resident’s spouse is also the signer on the mortgage. However, complications arise when the individual keeping the house isn’t listed on the mortgage.
In such scenarios, a common arrangement involves the non-resident spouse remaining on the mortgage despite no longer inhabiting the property, while the resident spouse continues to occupy the home.
For this arrangement to be viable, the divorcing couple must reach an agreement on several critical issues, and carefully document them in their divorce agreement.
These may include things like establishing a timeframe for the non-resident spouse to remain on the mortgage, developing a contingency plan to address potential missed mortgage payments by the resident spouse, and setting a firm deadline by which the resident spouse must either refinance the mortgage solely in their name or sell the property.
It is important to recognize that should the resident spouse default on mortgage payments, the credit rating of the mortgage holder — even if they no longer reside in the home — could be negatively affected. This underscores the importance of clearly defined agreements and open communication between the divorcing parties to protect their financial futures.
#6 How does refinancing work in a divorce situation?
Photo credit: Nan Tun Nay / Shutterstock
Refinancing a house during a divorce is similar to refinancing at any other time.
The main difference is that you might need to buy out your ex-spouse’s share of the house. This often means taking out extra money when refinancing to pay an ex-spouse.
Before you agree to this in your divorce, it’s smart to talk to your bank or a mortgage expert. They can tell you if you can qualify for the amount you need to borrow. This is especially important if you need extra money to pay your ex-spouse for their share of the house.
Pay close attention to what your new monthly mortgage payment will be. Interest rates are much higher now than they were a few years ago. Plus, you might need to borrow extra to pay your ex-spouse. This could make your monthly payment much higher, or too expensive to stay in the house.
It’s better to know this before you start negotiating your divorce. That way, you won’t be disappointed or have to go back and change your plans later. Understanding your financial situation early on can help you make better decisions about the house during your divorce.
#7 Will I have to pay capital gains tax if we sell the house now, or if I sell it later?
Photo credit: Andrii Yalanskyi / Dreamstime
Dealing with taxes when selling a house during a divorce can be complicated. The tax rules are always changing, and they’re different for married and single people.
Because of this, it’s a good idea to work with a tax expert, like a CPA (Certified Public Accountant).
To figure out if you’ll owe taxes when you sell your house, you need to know a few things:
First, is the purchase price/cost basis. Second, is how much you spent on big improvements to the house, so if you did any, hopefully you kept the receipts. And third, how much you’re selling it for.
These details help determine if you made a profit (called a capital gain) that you might need to pay taxes on. A tax expert can help you understand these rules and how they apply to your situation. They can also help you find ways to pay less in taxes if possible by reducing your gain.
It’s important to get this advice before you make final decisions about your house in the divorce. That way, you won’t be surprised by a big tax bill later.
Extending our gratitude to Joe and Cheryl Dillon for the above advice
Photo credit: Piotr Swat / Dreamstime
Joe and Cheryl Dillon are divorce mediators and relationship experts at Equitable Mediation. They are a husband and wife team with more than three decades of combined experience helping families avoid the destruction of lawyer-driven litigation.
With an MBA in finance and a past career in finance and contract negotiations, Joe is an expert on the financial aspects of divorce and negotiation among ex-spouses.
Cheryl has a degree in psychology and is a certified life coach. She offers 1-on-1 private divorce coaching for mediation clients and has helped countless men and women throughout the difficult — yet often liberating — journey of divorce.
And we are grateful to both for all the expert advice they shared with us and sincerely hope you might never find yourself in need of it. But if you do, hopefully, Joe and Cheryl have set you on the right path and helped clarify some of the most pressing questions you had about dividing property after a divorce.
More stories
Don’t let your dream home purchase turn into a nightmare: Why you need a real estate lawyer
Can you sell a house and buy another at the same time? We explore your options
5 Things you need to know about when selling your land to developers